Candy Review: Marvel Candy Sticks

I'm aware that it has been a while since there was a new post. We've both been busy and been unable to find anything to rant about/review. Luckily, however, there were some Marvel Candy Sticks sitting in my drawer that I purchased months ago and I figured what the hell, talk about those. If you're interested in candy that's shaped like chalk and tastes like marshmallows follow the break.



I was in a candy store a few months ago buying a bag of jelly beans when I saw these near the checkout. Since I love The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, and the Hulk it was hard to keep me away from them, especially with the promise of glow in the dark tattoos and collectible cards included. When I opened the first box and tasted the candy I realized I had made a horrible decision.

The candy itself are these long pieces of what look like sticks of chalk. They're hard, dry,white, and have all the properties chalk has. Because it has been a few months since I had one of these, prior to writing this review, I had another so that I could give you, the reader, the satisfaction of a solid opinion. When it first enters your mouth you'll be surprised to know that they taste almost exactly like marshmallows. About 10 seconds it beings to coat your mouth with a layer of sugar that will leave your mouth tasting terrible for several hours despite drinking beverages or brushing your teeth. It takes a few minutes to dissolve the thing fully, but by this time you're ready to just spit it out.

So the candy is bad, you've still got those rad tattoos and cards right? Wrong. Now, am I expecting too much when I buy a box that has The Fantastic Four on it to get a temporary tattoo of The Fantastic Four inside. Apparently. The sticker that was inside is one of Spider-Man on a web, and the cut-out card on the back of the box features Spider-Man and Venom. Why even both buying a candy with The Fantastic Four on it if they're just going to give you Spider-Man things with it. The Spider-Man box I bought had a Spider-Man tattoo in it (which I put on my arm) and a Hulk card, whereas the Hulk box had a Spider-Man tattoo inside and a Spider-Man card. So the lesson to be learned here is, you're not going to get what you want... ever.

The real slap in the face is the fact that the "Glow in the Dark Tattoos" don't freaking "Glow in the Dark". I stood in complete darkness after blasting the damn thing with light and saw nothing. I have never felt more cheated and lied to in my entire life. How else am I going to show my Spider-Man pride in complete darkness?

Bottom line, don't buy this candy. There is no redeeming quality with it. It tastes awful, and leaves your mouth tasting like you just woke up. Then there's also the anguish of not getting a Fantastic Four tattoo (and I really wanted a Fantastic Four tattoo). Instead of buying crappy candy with Marvel characters on it why don't you go buy some Marvel comics and support your local comic book shop.